The 5 Greatest Hunting Shirts Never Created

With the deer season still eight months out and bucks really holding onto their head gear this year, the onslaught of cabin fever is beginning to take an ugly toll on deer hunters like myself, everywhere. No matter, soon the season of the deer show will be at hand, and we can all look forward to the relief we all hope to find through the solace of checking out the latest gear we’ll never use and reading some of the worst bumper sticker and shirt designs ever made. In honor of those horrible shreds of cotton only a deer hunter could love, we’ve come up with five of the greatest shirt designs never created. Yet.

wanna see my booner tee

“Wanna See My Booner?”- This obviously obnoxious shirt is the perfect fit for those Saturday nights you’re looking for a fight. Wear this shirt to your neighbor’s Bar Mitzvah, your best friend’s bachelor party, or while yard-sailing with your wife and her mom. Expect glaring looks and quirky questions about the shirt. Men asking if you really have one and women asking how big? Either way, wear a smug look and always walk away disgusted. Unless she wants to buy you a drink – that one’s a keeper. 

killed more deer than cwd tee

“I’ve Killed More Deer than CWD”- Although the real life version of CWD isn’t so funny, this awesome tee implies you’ve killed more deer than the most controversial deer killer since Marc Anthony. Other diseases work in place of CWD too. For added delight try EHD, Polio or VD in its place.

jim shockeys future son in law tee 

“Jim Shockey’s future son-in-law” – Imply the obvious with the first lady of hunting as your fiancé. Wear it loud and wear it proud to your favorite sporting events. Just make sure those sporting events don’t take you to Russia, where Eva’s real life beau plays professional hockey. If you do run into him however, just remember hockey players fight dirty (and have terrible body odor). Prevent him from pulling your new shirt over your head, keep your elbows down.

marc anthony is my taxidermist tee

“Marc Anthony is my taxidermist”- Every great hunter needs a solid taxidermist in his corner and this one’s reputation trumps them all. In 2014, a story broke that the “Ghillie suit guy”, Marc Anthony, was buying Booner whitetail racks and sewing them onto the carcasses of recently deceased deer, claiming them as his kill. Whether or not this was ever proven to be the case will likely never be known, but Marc probably lost a few customers because of it. For added fun, wear this tee the next time you have a buck officially measured.

i believe you mitch tee

“I believe you, Mitch”- On Novemeber 13th, 1998, Mitch Rompola of Michigan arrowed what is still considered in some circles as the true world record whitetail buck. Unfortunately for Mitch, the internet was invented and with it came an onslaught of accusations on the legitimacy of his buck. However, those closest to the story, including the game warden who first saw the deer and the three original panel scorers of the rack still claim the deer is legit. Just think, with this shirt you could be number five.


  1. Stan lee says:

    Love the Jim shockeys future son in law one! Hahaha!


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