Outdoor television has been around for decades, and it’s been a staple in the hunting industry. It’s played major roles in sales and marketing since its inception. Hunting products and the country way of life weren’t the only things it sold viewers, though.
Nay, it’s peddled more jargon than the Urban Dictionary. Sure, more than one of the following have passed through my lips. But this is a new year, and I’m trying to be a better version of myself.
Also know that I’m not throwing shade on anyone here. This is a lighthearted jest for us to have fun with. I’ve said many of the following. I’ve also spent time on outdoor television, having contributed to Midwest Whitetail, Realtree’s Monster Bucks, and now, Deer and Deer Hunting TV.
Still, if I know nothing else, I understand three things. Words are powerful. Clichés suck. And the 65 following words, phrases, and other hunting jargon are undoubtedly the worst things a hunter can say. Keep reading to get your cringe on.
Single Words
One word. That’s all it takes to make someone squirm. Without a doubt, if any one of these makes it into a sentence, the delivering bloke should just go ahead and burn their deer tags, because they don’t deserve them.
“Booner” – We all respect the Boone & Crocket Club, but the No. 1 descriptor for big deer is one letter away from a very different thing, which is reason enough to abandon ship. And if your phone commonly autocorrects, well …
“Monster” – This is a loosely used term for a big deer, and there really is no need for it. Try something new.
“Joker” – Jokers belong in card decks, Batman movies, and comedy sets. There are no “jokers” in the wild.
“Slob” – Is the buck a messy eater? Does it have a dirty bedding area? Quit calling it a slob.
“Smackdown” – Are you killing that deer with palm strikes? No. No you’re not.
“Smoked” – Were grenades, napalm, or smoke damage use in the killing of that deer? If not, you didn’t “smoke” it.
“Stud” – If you shot a stud, did you use a stud finder to locate and kill it with?
“Tank” – Broadheads and deer-sized calibers don’t kill tanks. So, if you shot a “tank,” you’ll likely receive a visit from someone even scarier than the game warden.
“Toad” – The last time I checked, whitetails were mammals, and not amphibians.
Short References & Statements
The following short references and statements are among the most horrific in the hunter vocabulary. You could offer me a bowl of deer pellets on whole milk and that’d taste better going down than any of the following coming out.
“Backstrap assassin” – Sure, it rolls off the tongue just fine, but it’s teeming with platitude.
“BBD (Big Buck Down)” – Perhaps the most overused three words and acronym in the book, use something fresh.
“Dirt nap” – Deer always sleep in the dirt. That wasn’t his first dirt nap.
“Dominant buck” – Do you know it was a dominant buck? Have you seen it fight every other deer in the woods? Just because it’s big doesn’t mean it’s dominant. Maybe you shot a sissy buck.
“He’s down.” – This is just a PC way of saying he’s dead.
“Freezer queen” – Just no.
“October lull” – This one is bad for two reasons. First, it’s cliché. Secondly, it’s a myth.
“Pro staff” – Contrary to popular belief, pro staff does not mean professional hunter. It’s short for promotional staff, meaning you’re a part-time salesman.
“Scent free” – There is no such thing.
“Slick head” – Stop column those does slick heads. They still have rough, furry noggins.
“Stay tuned” – Stay tuned? Are we using old-school guitars, vintage TV sets, boomboxes-style radios, or dial up Internet?
“Swamp donkey” – Donkeys don’t live in swamps. And deer don’t look like donkeys.
“Tag soup” – Yes, we understand the imagery. Unfilled tags swimming in a hot pot of water. It’s old, and tired, and needs to go.
Longer Jargon & Phrases
If I said the section above was the worst things a hunter (or anyone) could say, that was a lie. Because the following phrases and sentences are the most abominable clichés ever to grace this lifestyle.
“Can’t eat the antlers (or … horns).” – First, deer have antlers, not horns. Secondly, it’s a terrible excuse for consistently shooting a small buck rather than a doe (or multiple does).
“Can’t kill ‘em from the couch.” – No, you can’t, I suppose. Unless you put a couch in a hunting blind. Then you can.
“Did you catch a deer?” – To which I answer, “I sure did. And then let it go … into my belly.”
“Didn’t go 20.” – While we celebrate the individual who coined it, it’s a bit worn out now.
“Dropped him in his tracks.” – Did you, now? You mean, there wasn’t a gap without tracks between its last step and deathbed? No way.
“Ground checked that deer.” – AKA, “I didn’t really pay attention to what I shot before I shot it.”
“He had some ground shrinkage.” – Meaning, “I just wanted to shoot a buck.” Or, “I didn’t judge the deer accurately.”
“He jumped the string.” – Last time I checked, there aren’t strings on arrows. And deer don’t jump the arrow, either. They duck under it.
“He needs another year.” – I’m all for passing deer and managing for older buck-age structure, but you can toss the elitist tone.
“He’s not my biggest buck, but…” – You shot the deer. Be proud and excited about the hunt, even if it isn’t the best one of your life.
“Hunt hard (Or … Hunt smart.)” – You should hunt hard and hunt smart every time, not one or the other.
“Hunt the wind.” – Seems pretty hard to catch the wind. Perhaps hunt deer and be cognizant of wind direction.
“If I don’t shoot him, (insert name) will.” – This is just an excuse for shooting a buck one year before you’d really like to.
“I got it done.” – Come on, you can use better words than that.
“I let him walk. (Or … I walked that deer.)” – Oh really? What aisle at Bass Pro might I find deer leashes?
“I let the air out of one.” – Unless it was a double lung hit, that doesn’t make sense. Even then, it’s quite irreverent of a well-respected game animal.
“I patterned that buck.” – That’s incredible. Into what? Crochet? Knitting? An ugly Christmas sweater?
“I punched my tag.” – Unless you use a hole punch to satisfy the legal tagging requirements, or struck your tag with a bare fist, you didn’t punch any tags.
“I saw (insert plural number) of doe.” – “Doe” is not plural. Period.
“If it’s brown, it’s down.” – This is big-time worn out.
“I’m hanging a set.” – Approximately 99.99% of deer hunters hang single treestands, not two (a set), which is common slang in the TV world (which has cameramen … requiring a set of stands).
“I’m on the board.” – Is it a competition? No, it is not. There is no board to be on.
“I’m running (insert gear item here) this year.” – You don’t “run” bows, guns, and other hunting gear. It’s a seemingly-cool-but-not-cool-at-all way of conveying your flavor of bow for the year.
“(Insert gear item here) is a game changer.” – Does it change the game at all? No, it doesn’t. Therefore, it is not a game changer.
“That’s a good last-day deer.” – Meaning, you shot a buck you didn’t want to just so you had antlers and meat for the ride home.
“That’s my biggest buck to date.” – Why does “to date” need to be on the end of that sentence? Why not just say, “That’s my biggest buck.” Saying “to date” is just weird.
“That’s my target buck.” – Oh, that’s your target buck? Ugh…
“I’m shaking like a leaf.” – Every hunter has shaken like a leaf at some point. Why not find some other “shaky” reference?
“It’s deer 30.” – Nice. I guess deer are moving, then.
“It’s time to whack ‘em and stack ‘em.” – Few people ever shoot multiple deer in one day. Where legal, and even if achieved, no one wants to hear that cheesy phrase.
“Let’s go! (Or … LFG!)” – This one extends well beyond the borders of outdoor culture. It spreads throughout the world and across many cultural types. It’s so old, and weak-minded, that it comes with a crusty layer of mold.
“My shot was a touch back.” – This is short for “gut shot,” or at best, “liver hit.”
“Rage in the cage.” – Why is that a good thing? Wouldn’t you prefer a pass-through?
“Straight through the boiler room.” – Does water boil inside of the deer’s cavity? Not even close. No boiler room’s here.
“That buck would have been a monster (next year / in two years).” – Sure, it just might’ve been. But instead, it’s down and dead, never to express further potential.
“That’s a hitlist buck.” – Hunters aren’t assassins or “hitters.” Bucks aren’t on official lists to be killed.
“That’s a shooter.” – Oh, so deer are carrying weapons and firing back at us now? News to me!
“That’s why they call it hunting.” – What else would they call it? Backstrap assassinating?
“That was an observation sit.” – Translation (more times than not) — I hunted a poor stand location and didn’t see anything, or at least, didn’t see the buck I wanted.
“Texas heart shot that deer.” – No one should be shooting deer that are facing away, in Texas or otherwise. This one needs to die.
“That’s a cull (or … management) buck.” – Just know, the science doesn’t support culling as an effective method for improving overall antler genetics of the herd. Shooting an “inferior” buck does, however, free up space for a potentially larger buck to move in.
“That’s a great bow buck.” – OK, so now we’re managing bucks by weapon type. Nah.
“We’ll see what happens. Stick with us.” – Finally, perhaps the most used of all time, it’s a common saying amongst hunting show hosts. Unless you’re a hunting show host, and even if you are, don’t say it. Ever.
Anything Else Your Favorite Hunting Show Host Coined
Virtually all hunting jargon originated from a hunting show. Factor in exponential spread, and these nasty phrases keep bouncing around like pinballs, leaving marks everywhere they go.
Chances are, you’ve either watched the shows, or spent time around people who have. But most of them have roots in one of three niche television channels, or these days, YouTube, TikTok, and other social outlets.
The best policy? Just keep your favorite hunting show hosts’ coined comments out of your own mouth.
Be Original
It’s true, we all have that friend who word vomits every hunting catch phrase in the book. Maybe that person is in the mirror, and you just came here to improve your garbage jargon game. Regardless, I implore you, your momma, and the world over to keep the above filth out of your mouth.
Bowhunting is tired of these wince-inducing words. Don’t waste good spittle on hackneyed verbiage. Be original, use creative language, and you’ll be a far more interesting and sufferable hunter to be around this year.
